Funny Friday: Please Don’t Promise Me Forever August 21, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, As If!, Dating, Food for Thought.Tags: cheesy hallmark card, Laura Kipnis, please don't promise me forever, rotating corpse, single hallmark
6 comments
Welcome to the first intallment of our new Funny Friday series. Today we are looking at a 1976 Hallmark booklet, “Please Don’t Promise Me Forever“. The Rotating Corpse discovered and posted this gem, which explains how to have a happy relationship by following a series of directives beginning with “Please don’t. . .” Rotating Corpse commenters seem divided on whether the text of the booklet is dickish or loving. I think either way it’s hilarious. What do our Copious Readers think?
The booklet shows a series of pictures of a couple wearing vests, elaborately knotted scarves, or poofy sleeves. The blond woman and mustachioed man are shot in various states of fun couple activities, such as wading in a stream, playing Monopoly, and staring soulfully over the side of a bridge, as if looking for their Pooh Sticks. Some of the advice is actually quite sensible. But mostly the reader–after she stops laughing–comes away feeling as if the pair has a somewhat sickly, passive-aggressive love. Some key lines in the text are:
Please don’t promise me forever./ I want us to love each other one day at a time / Instead of trying too hard and promising too much. (more…)
More on Marriage… July 27, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, single and happy.Tags: alternet amy williams, fundamentalism, marital privilege, religious rhetoric, resistance to marriage, the kooks naive, therese the unmarried estate, why not get married
13 comments
So, Copious Readers. Ya’ll (that’s how we say it in Kentucky) have got me thinking.
Last week, we solicited your thoughts on whether it’s tacky or tasteful to throw a party for oneself and register for gifts. We got a wide variety of responses, and our conversation prompted one of our regular readers, Autonomous, to link us to an article on Alternet called “I Don’t Believe in Marriage — Here’s Why I (Grudgingly) Got Married Anyway.” And that article reminded me of fellow singles-advocate-blogger Therese’s recent post about why she’s decided to get married after being in a long-term relationship with the same person. And then this weekend, I had a long, impassioned conversation with a (married) friend of mine who wanted me to explain why I didn’t plan to ever get married.
Here’s what I told her (in so many words):
(more…)
Should I Be Worried? July 23, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: casual dating, commitment, wedding ceremony dance, where-is-this-relationship-going
16 comments
So, I’ve been dating this guy — very casually (which is exactly the way I want it) — for the last two months or so. Today, he sent me this video, with the following message: “If I ever get married again [he’s been married before], it will be like this”
We haven’t had any kind of a serious “where-is-this-relationship-going-and-what-do-I-want” talk. So I’m curious, Copious Readers, what do you think he’s trying to tell me (if anything)? And how should I respond?
— L
Selfish or Spot On? The Single Person’s Registry July 21, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: marrying myself, sex and the city, single woman's registry, singles registries, too many shoes
27 comments
This summer, the topic of weddings has come up repeatedly here at Onely, and, since much of our discussion has centered on the negative aspects of the matrimonial tradition, it seems appropriate to conclude the season on a more positive note and consider the possibility of reclaiming parts of the tradition for ourselves.
If one decides not to wed, is it appropriate to throw a wedding for oneself?
In one memorable episode of Sex and the City, Carrie famously did. And some time ago, Christina found a company that specializes in the single woman’s registry. At a separate site, Halfbakery.com (a site for half-baked ideas?), someone suggested that the newly divorced create a registry where friends can buy all the goods that the ex took. (more…)
Don’t Call Me Mrs.! July 17, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought.Tags: authority in the classroom, feminist perspectives, Ms. vs. Mrs., politics of language, titles for professors, women in literature
13 comments
I did something unusual the other day: I told my students not to call me Mrs. 
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m pursuing a Ph.D. in Rhetoric and Composition (a subfield of English), and as part of my fellowship, I’m required to teach regularly. Last week, I began teaching a summer version of a course called Women in Literature. I always begin a new class by explaining to my students what they should call me — in part because I look very young, in part because I don’t have my Ph.D. yet, and in part because I hate receiving emails without an address (“Dear ____, … “). So I spend a few minutes describing their choices: They can call me Lisa. They can call me Ms. ____ (my last name). They can call me Professor ____ (though I always feel compelled to explain that technically, I’m not yet a professor). They can call me, as one of my students cleverly did last fall, Future Dr. ____ (my personal favorite). The main thing, I usually explain, is that they call me something.
Except for Mrs. (more…)
Academic Alert! Michael Cobb’s “Lonely” June 24, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Academic Alert!, Essay review, Food for Thought, Reviews, single and happy, Singles Resource, We like. . ..Tags: couples and terror, hannah arendt, loneliness my ass, michael cobb, queer theory, singles and sex, south atlantic quarterly, the origins of totatitarianism
8 comments
We here at Onely–as well as our Copious Readership– have always known that society’s obsession with coupling is “toxic” and a form of “terrorism”. But now we’ve found an established literary theorist who has expressed this idea using those very words, albeit articulated in academic language.
As most of our regular readers know, I am currently working on a Ph.D. in a Rhetoric and Composition. This summer, one of my major tasks is to compose proposals and reading lists for two of the three exams I will take in the fall. One of my exams will focus on feminist and queer theory — and as I was doing research for the reading list last week, I came across an article in the South Atlantic Quarterly called “Lonely,” written by Michael Cobb. Cobb, who specializes in queer and critical theory, is interested, as the title indicates, in the effects of American culture’s stigmatization of singles.
Always a Bridesmaid, Never the Bride June 15, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, single and happy.Tags: always a bridesmaid, dishonesty, friendship, matrimania, never the bride, weddings
34 comments
This past weekend, I was a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding in St. Louis. This is the fourth time I’ve been a bridesmaid over the last eight years or so, and doing it made me think about the popular (American?) expression, “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” For those of our readers unfamiliar with it, the expression carries a highly negative connotation, suggesting that the woman (or person) in question hasn’t (or cannot/will not) fulfill her ultimate ambition in life — being a bride (for info on the origin of the expression, check out this link).
I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you, copious readers, how heteronormative and sexist the expression is, suggesting that a woman’s most impressive achievement will be her wedding day (!!). But I have started to think a lot about what it means to be a bridesmaid, especially as one of the co-writers of this blog. (more…)
Pop Culture, Scourge of the Onelys (Part 3 of 42,517): He’s Just Not That Into You June 10, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, As If!, Heteronormativity, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys.Tags: bad movies, desperation, exceptions, fuck you, he's just not that into you, proposals, single stereotyping sucks, single women, stupidity
20 comments
So this last weekend, under the guise of conducting “research” for Onely, I buckled down to watch the just-released-on-DVD He’s Just Not That Into You (HJNTIY for short).
And, OMG, this friendly little kid to the right expresses exactly how I feel about the movie: Fuck you, HJNTIY!
Yup, it’s that bad. Not only for what it implies about single people (more on that in a moment), but for its horrible acting, lack of a compelling story, and general waste of my time.
In theory, the movie should be pro-Onely — I mean, what better way for single (hetero) women (and gay men?) everywhere to get to a “happy” place than to accept that sometimes, he’s (really) just not that into you – and to decide that that’s okay? (more…)
The Sex Post, Part Deux: Dealbreakers May 26, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Food for Thought, sex, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: dealbreakers for single sex, hookups, InCel, involuntarily celibate, single and celibate
11 comments
Hi everyone,
Thank you for the many thoughtful and thought-provoking responses to my most recent post about the possibilities of having a sexual partner but making it clear that I want to remain unattached. It turns out that Bella DePaulo also published a sex post on her blog the same day about the many assumptions that are made about sex and the single person (thanks, Singlutionary, for noting our post on the comments over there!). One of the issues that has come up in previous comments on her blog, as well as in DePaulo’s most recent post (and comments from some of Onely’s regular readers), is the reality that many times, those of us who actually desire sex (and not all single – or married – people do) do not necessarily have it. Some call this being “Involuntarily Celibate,” or InCel for short. Which is exactly my status most of the time, when I don’t happen to know anyone who would be up for a little uncommitted rendezvous now and again.
So, this got me thinking about the many reasons I have (most of the time) for not actively attempting to hook up with friends, complete strangers, or the friend-of-a-friend. I’m the kind of person who notices when there’s a spark, and I’ve certainly had opportunities to pursue casual encounters, but most of the time (with this last weekend the rare exception), I simply don’t bother trying.
Because, you see, there are these dealbreakers that generally keep me InCel (some are for real; some are petty indeed): (more…)
“We Don’t Want Another Piece of the Pie… We Want a Whole New Pie” April 13, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Heteronormativity, Just Saying., Singled Out.Tags: equality for all, human rights, iowa vote april 3, legalization of gay marriage, piece of the pie, same-sex marriage, whole new pie, winona laduke
5 comments
Winona LaDuke, a Native American political activist, is credited with the 
words that I’m borrowing for the title of this post. I don’t know all that much about LaDuke, but I’ve heard her words (slightly altered) before in a different context. About a year ago, I had what turned out to be a very significant conversation with one of my favorite professors, who explained to me why she, as a lesbian, had no interest in promoting the cause of gay marriage. “I don’t want a piece of that pie,” she said — meaning the institution of marriage — “because it doesn’t solve the problem of equality for all…. Hell, I don’t even like pie!” (more…)
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