Hooking Up: Cool or CREAPy? June 29, 2009
Posted by Onely in Essay review, Everyday Happenings, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, sex.Tags: brenda wilson, deborah roffman, history of dating, hooking up, hooking up single, sex without dating
26 comments
As follow-up to Lisa’s sex posts here and here, my friend Nicole flagged for us this really good article from NPR about the relatively new and spreading trend of “hooking up”, or sex-without-dating. Brenda Wilson talks about the “major cultural shift” we’ve undergone lately, as dating is replaced by hooking up. Wilson reminds us that “dating itself represented a historical change”, as chaperoned sit-down sessions were replaced by dinner-and-movie expeditions. And now we’re changing from dating to hooking up. Because we’re all busy with life, friends, and work, we have little time for relationships. But you know what? Even though it’s becoming “ok” to hook up (just as it became “ok” to go out without a chaperone), we’re still expected to eventually *stop* hooking up and find a committed romantic ever-after partner (aka CREAP):
Wilson interviewed a young person who said (paraphrased by Wilson) that “If you’re honest and open about what you’re doing, and willing to commit to a relationship, she says, a hookup and friendship can be fused into a lifetime partnership.”
But are hookups less valid or acceptable if they *don’t* lead to a CREAP (or even to friendship)? Just asking. (more…)
A Onederful Year June 22, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities, We like. . ..Tags: one year anniversary, onely, origins of onely
18 comments
One year ago today, Christina and I posted for the first time on what it means to be single and happy. Since that day, Onely has proven to be an exciting and continually evolving blog project that both of us are thrilled to continue. The idea for Onely emerged from two separate, seemingly unrelated experiences that Christina and I had in June 2008.
For me, I experienced an unexpected surge of happiness after I “told off” a guy after he stood me up – a second time. Instead of insisting that he apologize and/or beg for forgiveness, I told him instead, “We don’t have to date, you know.” Uttering those words — instead of words of blame or anger — made me feel suddenly, and surprisingly, free: I had articulated something that I had been wanting to say for some time but didn’t know how — I didn’t have to pursue a relationship, and I could be honest about what I wanted (or didn’t) even in a “casual” dating situation.
For Christina, it was during one week at work when she received yet another email celebrating yet another coworker’s marriage or baby (or second or third baby). “An office shower!” the messages always said. The suggested donation was always five dollars and the food was always pizza. Christina hates pizza. She wanted the office to buy her veggie wraps, but it seemed the only way she was ever going to get a veggie wrap was to get married or knocked up.
We commiserated on the phone one day in mid-June about our shared anger at these situations. I told Christina that her office culture sounded very “heteronormative”. “Hete-what?” she said. I explained its meaning (see our sidebar!), and we have both been happily flinging the word about ever since.
During that conversation, we also discussed the relief we felt about not being in or even pursuing relationships, heternormative or otherwise. I wondered out loud why no one ever seemed to admit to being happy and single and not seeking to change their status. Shortly thereafter — after a flurry of emails and Christina’s brilliant epiphany for a blog title — Onely was born.
We weren’t sure that anyone would actually read us, but now we are flattered by a regular presence of Copious Readers who inspire us to keep writing. And although we began blogging because we didn’t see others writing about being single and happy, we have since discovered a rich community of like-minded single bloggers and writers who provide perspectives supportive of, though sometimes different from, our own.
As of today, we’ve proud to have written 215 posts of varying degrees of literary merit. We’re also proud that “nut-sucking” and “animal sex” are apparently two of the best ways for people to find Onely in a random Google search.
–Lisa (and Christina)
Hard-Core Oneler: Dick Proenneke June 12, 2009
Posted by Onely in Great Onelies in Real Time, Great Onely Activities, Profiles, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: Bob Swerer Productions, Dick Proenneke, handmade cabin, One Man's Wilderness, Richard Proenneke, twin lakes alaska
5 comments
Welcome to the Hard-Core Edition of our series, Great Onelers In Real Time. Today’s Hard-Core Oneler is former Navy carpenter Richard Proenneke. In 1968, at the age of 51, he went to the ultra-wild wilderness of Twin Lakes, Alaska and built himself a cabin by hand, with no chain saws or other automated machinery. He even carved the handles for the tools he used to hew the spruce logs. Then he lived in the cabin for over thirty years.
The mesmerizing video Alone in the Wilderness by Bob Swerer Productions tells the story of Dick’s first year at Twin Lakes. Dick used a tripod to film himself building his cabin. We see many shots of him from the backside, walking away from the lens with a determined, slightly bow-legged stride, once with a sheep ribcage strapped to his back. He films grizzly bears rolling joyfully down snowy slopes. He feeds birds by hand. He makes door hinges, for goodness’ sake (I didn’t know you could make door hinges; I thought they grew on the door hinge tree). (more…)
Secret Lives of the Happily Single: Laundry Edition June 8, 2009
Posted by Onely in Dating, Everyday Happenings, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single.Tags: annoying boyfriend habits, boyfriend laundry, happy single, laundry habits, mysterious single, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, unhappy single
25 comments
Welcome to the first installment in our new series, Secret Lives of the Happily Single. Singlehood is mysterious and secretive in many ways. Happy singles take on an almost shaman-like aura in our culture, as if we must know things that the rest of the world doesn’t. (Don’t we?) In SLOTHS, we aim to talk about the more private, mysterious, and sensitive aspects of being single and satisfied. In this edition, we talk about laundry.
The secret lives of the happily single can include sex. The secret lives of the happily single can also include unhappiness (happy singles sometimes feel we have to hide unhappiness, even if it’s not related to our relationship status). And our secret lives also include Great Onely Activities that seem almost too silly, petty, or trivial to use as a “real” excuse for why we love being single. That is what this post is about. (more…)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINA!!!!! May 30, 2009
Posted by Onely in Secret Lives of the Happily Single.15 comments
Without a doubt, this blog wouldn’t be the same without you! Hope you have a great day!
With love, from your fave co-blogger, Lisa 🙂
(and our readers, I presume! hint, hint!!!)
Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 3 of 3): Tips! May 21, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, Singles Resource, solo travel.Tags: copies of passport, international solo travel, itinerary, making friends during solo travel, packing for international travel, safety concerns while traveling alone, tips for traveling alone
6 comments
Hi everyone,
After spending the past two posts enumerating some of the best and worst aspects of traveling alone, I figure it’s about time for some practical advice. So, to stoke your trip-planning imaginings, I am happy to present Part 3 of this three-part series:
Lisa’s Essential Tips for Traveling Solo: (more…)
Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 1 of 3): Best Things May 17, 2009
Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: england, international travel, isle of man, liverpool, solo travel, traveling companions, UK
9 comments
View from Castle Rushen, Isle of Man
Hello Copious Readers!
I’m back from my two-week adventure in the UK! I visited the posh university town of Cambridge; then traveled by bus and ferry to the Isle of Man, located in the middle of the Irish Sea; then met up with a friend in Northern Ireland for two and a half days and visited the Giant’s Causeway, among other beautiful sights; and ended my trip in London.
As you know from my earlier post, some of my experience was a bit more adventurous than I would have liked (my wallet was stolen in London), but overall, I am so happy that I decided to make this international trip a solo one. I’ve traveled through a lot of the US on my own, but traveling abroad – even to the UK, which in some ways felt like “cheating” because there was no language barrier – presented both a unique challenge, as well as a very rewarding experience. For those of you who are dreaming of taking this kind of a trip yourself, I’ve composed a series of lists detailing the best and worst aspects of traveling alone, as well as a set of tips for anyone planning an international trip alone. Here’s Part One of Three:
Lisa’s Best Things about Traveling Alone: (more…)
Onelers Gone Wild: Lisa Does Great Britain May 10, 2009
Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, Everyday Happenings, Great Onely Activities, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: isle of man, london and cambridge, lost passport, lost wallet, singles travel, solo travel
13 comments
Copious Readers, Lisa posted via email from her solo travel adventure:
Hello from Cambridge, England!
So my first Onely international trip is going pretty well — except for one thing: My wallet got stolen. In the restroom (or toilet, as the Brits call it) of a London bus station during a two-hour layover between buses (from Liverpool, to Cambridge). It only took a few seconds — I left the bathroom and realized almost immediately that my wallet was not in my hands – and by the time I turned around, the wallet was gone. I lost my passport, my debit card, about $75 (US equivalent), my KY driver’s license, a UK-unlimited bus pass worth $160 or so, and 25 postcard stamps (worth £15 or about $25!) with which I was going to begin mailing postcards today.
Luckily I followed the advice of my Let’s Go! travel guide and had made a copy of my passport before I left, and also took along another credit card, as well as about $100 in traveler’s checks, all of which I kept separate from my wallet, and which are the only reason I was able to get to Cambridge and also did not have a complete breakdown in London.
The friend I am staying with here in Cambridge pointed out that it was probably because I was alone that I had the momentary lapse of concentration and left the wallet behind. The bus from Liverpool to London was overnight, and so I was drowsy and frazzled, ready to get to my next destination — not to mention that I had a gigantic bag to manage as I maneuvered the tiny bathroom stall! My friend travels internationally all the time, and says that this specific problem is the thing that bothers her the most about traveling alone — there’s no one you trust to wait outside the bathroom with your bags. 😦
Oh well. A trip to the American Embassy in London is now in order, bright and early Monday morning. Luckily I had plans to finish the last few days of my trip in London anyway — I just hope that this small excursion doesn’t detract from what will otherwise be a fun last few days of my holiday (also another UK phrase). Besides this rather upsetting glitch in the plans, my trip so far has been excellent — and I have only been truly alone a few days, thanks to having two friends to visit… I have been to the Isle of Man, all across Northern Ireland and parts of Ireland, and spent a very full and wonderful day in Liverpool.
I’ll be back soon to add my regular two cents to Onely — in the meantime, hope all is well!!!
Cheerio!
— L
P.S. Christina here. My stomach just plunged when I read this story. But Lisa handled the situtation so well! My version would have incorporated far more tears and swear words. (Maybe she edited those out; I don’t know.) I definitely agree with Lisa’s friend that having to haul all your bags into those bathroom stalls is soooo annoying, as well as a germophobe’s (me) nightmare. Does anyone else have travel horror stories? Were you travelling alone? How did your status as a solo traveller inform the incident?
Onely Adventures! April 30, 2009
Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy.Tags: great britain travel, international travel, single adventures, single and happy, solo travel
10 comments
Hello copious readers,
Just wanted to write a quick hello to let ya’ll (we say ya’ll in Kentucky!) know that Christina’s going to be holding down the (hypothetical) fort for the next two weeks or so. I’m headed off on my first solo international adventure in a few short hours — to Great Britain! (more…)
Onely.Org 