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A Onederful Year June 22, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities, We like. . ..
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Onely turns 1!One year ago today, Christina and I posted for the first time on what it means to be single and happy. Since that day, Onely has proven to be an exciting and continually evolving blog project that both of us are thrilled to continue. The idea for Onely emerged from two separate, seemingly unrelated experiences that Christina and I had in June 2008.

For me, I experienced an unexpected surge of happiness after I “told off” a guy after he stood me up – a second time. Instead of insisting that he apologize and/or beg for forgiveness, I told him instead, “We don’t have to date, you know.” Uttering those words — instead of words of blame or anger — made me feel suddenly, and surprisingly, free: I had articulated something that I had been wanting to say for some time but didn’t know how — I didn’t have to pursue a relationship, and I could be honest about what I wanted (or didn’t) even in a “casual” dating situation.

For Christina, it was during one week at work when she received yet another email celebrating yet another coworker’s marriage or baby (or second or third baby). “An office shower!” the messages always said. The  suggested donation was always five dollars and the food was always pizza. Christina hates pizza. She wanted the office to buy her veggie wraps, but it seemed the only way she was ever going to get a veggie wrap was to get married or knocked up.

We commiserated on the phone one day in mid-June about our shared anger at these situations. I told Christina that her office culture sounded very “heteronormative”.  “Hete-what?” she said.  I explained its meaning (see our sidebar!), and we have both been happily flinging the word about ever since.

During that conversation, we also discussed the relief we felt about not being in or even pursuing relationships, heternormative or otherwise. I wondered out loud why no one ever seemed to admit to being happy and single and not seeking to change their status.  Shortly thereafter — after a flurry of emails and Christina’s brilliant epiphany for a blog title — Onely was born.

We weren’t sure that anyone would actually read us, but now we are flattered by a regular presence of Copious Readers who inspire us to keep writing. And although we began blogging because we didn’t see others writing about being single and happy, we have since discovered a rich community of like-minded single bloggers and writers who provide perspectives supportive of, though sometimes different from, our own.

As of today, we’ve proud to have written 215 posts of varying degrees of literary merit. We’re also proud that “nut-sucking” and “animal sex” are apparently two of the best ways for people to find Onely in a random Google search.

–Lisa (and Christina)

Some Like It Single: QuirkyEconomist! May 8, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Some Like It Single.
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images2Welcome to the latest installment in our new series, Some Like It Single, where we profile (relatively) small, independent blogs dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.

Today we are looking at QuirkyEconomist. She  describes herself as “a happily single woman simply informed, but not determined, by the fact that I am also an economist“.  How do those two things intersect, you might ask? QE explains:

Economists see the world as a series of choices and we identify the costs and benefits of all the alternatives, but we try to remain neutral (i.e., non-judgmental) about the choices people actually make.

In one post QE provides a small compendium of links to other economists who link love with market fluctuations and even–be still my nerdish heart–game theory! She decries the image of economists as heartless number-crunchers (“children as investment goods”) and points out examples of how dating is not that different from the free market.   

Although as of her 5 April post, she was not actually single in the “uncoupled” sense, she continues to embrace the Onely/QuirkyAlone/Singlutionary mindset. That means she won’t pursue a relationship just to be in a relationship, and also that she supports (to use QuirkyEconomist’s words)

“everyone’s right to be happy being whatever the heck they want to be, without other people making a bunch of assumptions about them.” (more…)

Men and Cats May 6, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Food for Thought, We like. . ..
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images1Studies have shown that women think pictures of attractive men holding babies  are even sexier than pictures of the men alone. But what’s waaay sexier than a man with a baby? Yes, a man with a CAT!  Thanks to Singular magazine for showing me the site Men and Cats.  According to a New York Times article, Crazy Cat Men are the latest thing. One of them, John Scalzi, explains why: “If you’re feeling insecure about your space in the world, you get a dog because he will always back you up. . . (but a man with a cat) is secure with himself. He’s sharing his space with a predator.”  

And what’s more attractive than someone who is confident about his space in the world? 

The stereotypes of men with cats–that they’re effeminate or eternal bachelors or whatever–and the arguments cat-loving (non-effeminate, non-eternal bachelor) men use to counter these stereotypes remind me of the dynamic of singlism and singles. We singles are regularly forced to defend ourselves against, or make excuses for, a status that is not inherently bad in the first place and which can actually be pretty honorable. Same with men and their cats. 

Full disclosure: I once briefly dated a friend who took care of my foster cat when I went on an extended trip. J soon decided that he didn’t want to see me anymore but oh, by the way, he’d like to permanently adopt Paws. A less noble foster mom might have said, “F no!” But the business of fostering is to find the kitties homes where they are loved. And so I have not seen Paws since then, except in fond memories. Nobility is overrated!

Copious Readers (except for our hetero male readers, sorry once again, Alan and Bobby), have you dated men with cats? Wish you had? Wish you hadn’t?  Who wants to meet Adam Fulrath   for a little midnight catnip?  ME! ME!


Some Like It Single: Singletude March 27, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Some Like It Single, We like. . ..
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Welcome to the latest installment in our new series, Some Like It Single, where we profile (relatively) small, independent blogs dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.

Today we’re looking at the thorough, thoughtful, and entertaining posts in Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles, by Clever Elsie (and yes, she is!).


Onely becomes Invaluable! January 28, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Reviews.
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Onely thanks the Alternatives to Marriage Project for including us on their list of “blogs that are frequently updated and invaluable“.  Lisa and I appreciate the affirmation in a time when we struggle to post regularly, fighting the constant assault of jobs and school (and, uh, Facebook).  

So check out AtMP’s blog, where you can read about singlism issues and advocacy. See how they took the innovative and caffeinated step of sending chocolates to some judges who declared that an unmarried sex offender is not necessarily scarier than a married one!  (Goes to show that Bush’s problem was not enough people sent him positive-reinforcement treats. “Good boy.”)

–CC and L (now with rather big heads)

Great Onelies in Real Time: Veronica Dylan December 22, 2008

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Dating, Great Onelies in Real Time, Profiles, Reviews.
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Lisa and I are doing our Onely thing in California and Costa Rica, respectively. A few days ago, at the resort where I was staying on the southwest Pacific coast, I had the good fortune to meet another Great Onely: Veronica Dylan, who owns a rockin’ sparkle blouse and also blogs with honesty and humor about life after divorce.

I like her blog “So Over You”  for a couple reasons (in addition to the blouse!): (more…)

Onely with Dependents? October 8, 2008

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Food for Thought, Reviews, We like. . ..
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Lisa and I write about some prosaic everyday happenings that make us appreciate the being single–such as our post Onely and Nut-Sucking. (Ok, so it’s my post. Lisa would not be caught dead sucking the salt off cashews and putting them back in the tin, even by herself.)

But what if we were Onely with Kids? We would probably not want our kids to misinterpret our nut-sucking and come away thinking that at a party, they can lick the salt off the pretzels and put them back in the Chex mix. (more…)

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