Onely Hearts Valentine’s Day February 14, 2012
Posted by Onely in We like. . ., Your Responses Requested!.Tags: candy hearts, lonely hearts, National Singles Week, single and happy, singles blog
2 comments
My co-blogger Lisa and I historically have struggled with what to write for our Valentine’s Day post. As a blog about progressive singlehood, we feel we are expected to write something. But one can only write so many times about what a dumb holiday Valentine’s Day is, before one begins to bore oneself.
So this year we’re writing about the non-dumb side of Valentine’s Day, which is, of course, CANDY HEARTS!
I love those little chalky pastel-colored hearts, not only because they are calorie- and sugar-free (they dissolve so delightfully on the tongue, how could they contain anything but fizz and love?). I also love how the classic candy hearts are printed with messages that range from sweet to desperate to creepy: Honey Bee. Cutie Pie. Sweet Love. Be good. My baby. Hug me. Let’s kiss. All mine. Do me. (Ok, maybe not that last one.)
We need bags of hearts for each and every holiday, especially National Singles Week. Oh yeah, an entire week’s worth of candy hearts! Poor one-day Valentine’s fans can suck it (literally).
Copious Readers, what words would you stamp on candy hearts for National Singles’ Week in September (I plan early)? We haven’t yet gotten much of a response from you on our request for Renga poems, so we’re going to keep poking away at your creative potential until it bursts forth. Like a geyser. Or a zit. Either will be fine.
Here are some suggestions off the top of my head, ranging from personal to political to dorky: Not alone. Equal pay. All families. Single mom. Single dad. Stop showers. Who’s selfish? Super solo. One fun. Not looking. Live alone. Cohabitate. Love too. Myth free. So fine.
–Christina
Photo credit: megaul
This Is Not a Valentine’s Post February 10, 2012
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Food for Thought, sex, single and happy.Tags: anti-valentine, love my work, luckiest person alive, no more dating, single and happy
7 comments
It’s been almost 6 months since I crossed continents and landed in Beirut. I’ve got to say, living here has added strength to my already strong Onely sense of self – and it’s not just because I made it here on my own. Certainly, simply making this journey made me stronger. But now that I’ve settled a bit and feel less like a stranger, I have come to realize that, for the first time in my adult life, the work I’m doing is absolutely satisfying.
That’s not to say that the work I’ve done in the past wasn’t satisfying – I’ve always loved teaching, and I loved getting my Ph.D. It’s just that my work never made me feel like this. I never imagined it could. And recently, the way I feel about my work has been thrown into high relief when I’ve been forced to compare it to the way I feel about the three men who have recently expressed interest in me. (more…)
Poetry for Progressive Singles: Your Responses Requested! February 2, 2012
Posted by Onely in Your Responses Requested!.Tags: haiku, poetry for singles, renga, single stereotypes
6 comments
I continue to wish for a pithy slogan that progressive singles can chant during all the protest marches that we also don’t have. We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it is great but, unfortunately, taken. We’re here, we’re single, we don’t have a jingle. But that’s ok, because we have Renga!
My intrepid co-blogger Lisa introduced me to this traditional Japanese poetry form, which the 17th century poet Basho believed embodied the notion of “refraining from stepping back” (this is according to Wikipedia, not Lisa, whose knowledge does have some limits). Because the spirit of Renga is moving forward in constant change, what better artistic venue is there for paradigm-shattering singles advocates like us?
Copious Readers, let’s use the Comments feature to create an ongoing collaborative Renga about singlehood–its culture, challenges, quirks, aspirations.
Renga works like this: The first poet composes a haiku, which consists of three lines, with five, seven, and five syllables respectively. For example: (more…)
Dreaming an Impossible Dream: Marriage January 16, 2012
Posted by Onely in Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: anti-Onely psyche, dream interpretation, marriage dreams, married and unhappy
15 comments
Some people dream about getting married. Over here at Onely, we pride ourselves on rejecting that dream – or at least knocking it off its idyllic “dream” platform.
But what’s going on when a Oneler literally has a dream about getting married?
I’m not sure, but I can say this: It’s unsettling… Just over a week ago, I woke up at 4am remembering that I’d almost gotten married; as I put the strange pieces together and recalled the emotions I felt during the dream, I worried: did my psyche just make me a traitor to my Oneliness? (more…)
Single, Single, Little Star January 7, 2012
Posted by Onely in Look What Google Barfed Up, Onely B*tchslaps Mother Nature.Tags: singles in nature, supernova
8 comments
Welcome to the latest installment in our series, Onely B*tchslaps Mother Nature, where we rage against mistreatment of singles–whether animals, plants, or extraterrestrials.
Onely’s long-time mission is to fight discrimination against singles. But lately we’re considering abandoning our quest. Why bother, when the very fabric of the universe is stacked against us?
Today we’re examining the super-fast “runaway” stars that streak through the Milky Way. Scientists originally thought that the stars used to be one of a pair of stars. A runaway star, they reasoned, was “fleeing a partner that exploded in a supernova,” according to an article in New Scientist magazine (26 November 2011, p.17).
I liked this theory. The runaways had left their volatile, oppressive partner stars, preferring to zip around the galaxy as single stars. Or I guess you could say maybe the runaways had been dumped–it all depends on how you interpret, And so, then my significant other exploded in a supernova. . .
Either way, I was like “Go Single Star Power! Rah rah!” But then New Scientist burst my bubble. It turns out that runaway stars are actually victims of couplemania, or the privileging of the couple unit. Researchers have recently learned that the runaway stars are not halves of broken-up pairs at all. They are actually single stars that tried to hang out in orbit with a committed star couple. They gained their burst of speed when they were
booted out because the trio was gravitationally unstable.
Well you know the old saying, Two’s company, three’s gravitationally unstable. Or as New Scientist puts it,
Single stars that try to come between a stellar pair are flung away at breakneck speeds
Even though the star was just trying to be friendly. And that’s why Onely is giving Mother Nature a B*tchslap this week.
–Christina
Photo credit: Jem Yoshioka
Single With Attitude: A Compendium of Singles’ Blogs January 2, 2012
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities.Tags: singles blogs
2 comments
Do you like Onely’s perspectives on single life but think we don’t post often enough? Do you find yourself desperately needing your progressive-singlehood fix, but none of the super-singles blogs you regularly read have anything new up, because their authors are too busy watching five straight hours of Breaking Bad on Netflix (an example just off the top of my head and not based in any way on any actual blog authors living or dead)?
Never fear! Just go to the new compendium of enlightened singles’ blogs at Single with Attitude, a site set up by singles scholar Bella DePaulo. Fresh posts from the different blogs feed to the top of the page–posts from Onely and other sites you may know from our blog roll, and posts from new voices you may discover you like.
Check it out.
–Christina
Of Singlism and Speculums December 26, 2011
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: infantile singles, single patients
11 comments
As if a visit to the Ob-gyn weren’t enough fun already, there I was filling out the new-patient paperwork and being asked yet again to write in my marital status.
Because, apparently, whether you’re married or not directly correlates to: whether you have (or need) someone who’ll remind you to take your medicine, whether anyone is around to knock on the bathroom door if you’re silent in the tub for more than two hours, whether you’re happy or whether you’re going to kill yourself, whether anyone is beating on you or not, whether you feel lonely or not, whether you eat well or not, or any number of factors that could impact your treatment plan. Right?
Annoyed, I put “N/A” next to “marital status”, though what I really wanted to write was “loose woman”. Then I moved on to the next question, which was: (more…)
Single? Then DIE! December 11, 2011
Posted by Onely in Look What Google Barfed Up, Onely B*tchslaps Mother Nature.5 comments
Welcome to the first installment in our new series, Onely B*tchslaps Mother Nature, where we decry instances of discrimination against singles–in the natural world.
Onely’s regular readers know we hate it when couples are privileged over us singles. We hate paying more than couples at the gym. We hate that the beneficiaries of our IRAs have to pay taxes on that money, just because they’re not our spouses. We hate movies where the hero’s life magically becomes all hunky-dory just because she pairs up with someone. We hate singlism, and we’ve encountered a lot of it in our time.
But at least no one has ever tried to kill us because we were single.
No such luck for single cannibal shrimp. According to this article in New Scientist magazine,
Cannibal shrimp are so hell-bent on living in pairs that when placed in groups of three or four, they attack their peers until just one couple remains alive.
No matter what your stance on marital status discrimination, you have to admit that would make a really gripping reality show.
–Christina
Photo credit: oogoom
P.S. Yes, all you taxonomists out there, that photo is not actually of cannibal shrimp. It’s a copulation between two male and one female Amano shrimp, who are apparently much more freespirited and less heteronormative than cannibal shrimp.
Once Upon a Stereotype November 26, 2011
Posted by Onely in As If!, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys.Tags: grimm, michigan dog man, single suspects, unmarried offenders, werewolves
12 comments
So there I was, slouching in my massage chair, rotting my brain by watching the Grimm pilot, when I heard some singlist dialog. I sat up and sprang into action to write this post a month later.
Fairy-tale monsters live in our midst disguised as humans, but fortunately there’s a handsome cop who can see through their disguises. I tolerate the terrible dialog and acting (one woman actually dies by closing her eyes, opening her mouth, and dropping her head backwards in one fell swoop as she stands in our hero’s arms), for the chance to see werewolves. I will even–yes–tolerate tacky stereotypes of singles.
Our hero (you can recognize him from the monotone and Ken-doll haircut) chases a suspected child-killer-slash-monster through a park to the suspect’s house, then at 23:00 delivers this line to his skeptical partner:
He fits the profile! He’s a loner, he’s never been married, he lives across the street from the park.
Yes! He’s a loner! He must be our perp! (more…)
Re-Orienting My (Onely) Self November 8, 2011
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Just Saying., single and happy.Tags: beirut is beautiful, destressing, learning to relax, post-international move
5 comments
It’s been about six months since I started the process of moving, and I’m finally at the point when I feel like I can say, with relative confidence, that the worst is over. And in saying that, I don’t mean to suggest that I don’t anticipate challenges in the future. It’s just that now the challenges I face will be everyday challenges – rather than challenges unique to the biggest decision of my life. And for this fact, I’m grateful.
But what does this have to do with being Onely? Well, now that I’m finally unpacked (no thanks to the elves, who were MIA all this time), now that I’ve got a relatively predictable (though still hectic) work-life schedule, now that smelling salt in the air and seeing the Mediterranean on a daily basis seem somewhat normal – now I feel like I can reorient and return to my Onely self. Ever since I finished my PhD and started planning my life overseas, I’ve been in survival mode. I don’t know how to explain my mentality except that it’s like I’ve been on “high alert” – every day I wake up early, with a long “to do” list in front of me – and until I cross off each item, I don’t feel that I can truly relax. (more…)
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