Don’t Call Me Mrs.! July 17, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought.Tags: authority in the classroom, feminist perspectives, Ms. vs. Mrs., politics of language, titles for professors, women in literature
13 comments
I did something unusual the other day: I told my students not to call me Mrs. 
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m pursuing a Ph.D. in Rhetoric and Composition (a subfield of English), and as part of my fellowship, I’m required to teach regularly. Last week, I began teaching a summer version of a course called Women in Literature. I always begin a new class by explaining to my students what they should call me — in part because I look very young, in part because I don’t have my Ph.D. yet, and in part because I hate receiving emails without an address (“Dear ____, … “). So I spend a few minutes describing their choices: They can call me Lisa. They can call me Ms. ____ (my last name). They can call me Professor ____ (though I always feel compelled to explain that technically, I’m not yet a professor). They can call me, as one of my students cleverly did last fall, Future Dr. ____ (my personal favorite). The main thing, I usually explain, is that they call me something.
Except for Mrs. (more…)
Onely Fights Office Singlism! Kind of! July 15, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Heteronormativity, Just Saying., Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy.Tags: office chatter, responsible single people, single parents, singlism in the workplace, workplace singles discrimination
23 comments
I forget the context of our conversation, but at one point my coworker mentioned that single people don’t have any responsibilities. Now, before you send out the tar-and-feathering mob, loyal Copious Readers, let me say that this is one of my favorite coworkers and he has a knack for making out-of-place, over-the-top generalizations. But still, I felt the need to correct his statement.
“Single have responsibilities!” I said. “I have a mortage. And. . . and. . . a cat.” I winced. The C word seldom helps in a singles advocacy argument. But in the moment, I couldn’t think of any other responsibilities! Because to be honest, I am so enamoured of my independence that the feeling of freedom sometimes overshadows my to-do list. But Lisa rattled off my responsibilities to me later, in an email. She said we have “pretty much the same responsibilities as everyone else!” But for once I disagree with my intrepid co-blogger. (more…)
“Dear Quirkyalone”: Send Us Your Questions, Confusions, Complaints! July 13, 2009
Posted by Onely in quirkyalone, single and happy, Singles Resource, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: Advice!, email us!!!!, Living Single, quirkyalone, quirkyliving, send us your questions!!
4 comments
As we mentioned last week, Christina and I are going to be writing a weekly advice column for Quirkyalone, called “Dear Quirkyalone: All you ever wanted to know about quirkyliving, but were(n’t) afraid to ask.” Our first post will be published next Monday (cross-posted here and at QA), but we need your questions! If you’ve got questions about what it means to live Onely/Quirkyalone — or if you want advice about how to handle a tricky situation, please email us: onely [at] onely [dot] org.
And as an extra incentive, Sasha Cagen over at QA is giving away one free SIGNED copy of her book, Quirkyalone, to one lucky reader (drawn at random) who submits a question to us and leaves a comment here by/before Thursday, July 16th!
— L & CC
Heeere Comes the. . . Single Wedding Guest? July 9, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Guest Posts.Tags: heteronormative, single women, singles at weddings, singlism, solo travel, wedding guests
27 comments
Onely likes guest posts by other writers who think about singles’ issues. The views expressed in our guest posts may or may not reflect Onely’s views, but we are always interested to hear from other singles advocates. Today’s post is by Autonomous, a regular reader and insightful commenter at Onely:
Wedding season is in full swing again, and the invitations are starting to arrive. While fewer in number the older I get, it seems to me that couples marrying for the first time in their 30’s to early 40’s have more grown-up tastes, more money to spend, and thereby the cost of attending their nuptials is more expensive as well. Unless someone quite close to me is marrying, job and finances necessitate I be selective about which events I can attend. The ones I do say yes to become my vacation for the season given the commitments of money; travel; time off work.
The most recent invite was not on parchment stationary and addressed to me personally, as in the traditional “Ms. — and Guest.” Rather, it arrived in the form of a bulk e-mail explaining travel tips to Napa wine country, providing a list of accomodations in the area, and offering a wine tour. The lodgings ranged from high-end cheap, to posh and very spendy. Going with the least expensive ($140/night- min. 2 nights) was a no-brainer. I began tallying the other anticipated costs: gas, pre-road-trip auto service just to be safe, and dining/groceries for several days, maybe a new pair of shoes. Of course, the wine tour must be factored in, because why drive 5 hours to wine country and not really enjoy myself? (more…)
First, Do No Heteronormativity: Onely at the Doctor’s July 9, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Dating, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought.Tags: divorced widowed single, new patient form, singles' health, supportive relationship
14 comments
My new doctor’s office provides holistic care based on an assessment of the patient’s physique, mentality, and life circumstances, as opposed to just treating isolated symptoms. It’s a progressive office, so I was intrigued to read this question on their patient intake form:
Are you? [ ] married [ ] divorced [ ] widowed [ ] single [ ] in a supportive relationship? (more…)
Extra! Extra! July 7, 2009
Posted by Onely in single and happy, Singles Resource, Some Like It Single, We like. . ..Tags: clever elsie, singles in the news, singles with singletude, singleschmucker, singletude
2 comments
To our Copious Readers:
Run — don’t walk! — to Singletude’s new weekly series, “Singles in the News,” in which Clever Elsie highlights the week’s good and bad news that involves, affects, or implicates single people. Be sure to check out the “Singles with Singletude Award” as well as the “Singleschmucker Award” (yay for portmanteaus!). We’re uber-impressed by the research, appreciate the new resource, and think Elsie deserves some accolades. Also, if you want to direct any news-worthy links her way, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
Thanks, Elsie — thanks for being our virtual newsstand!!
What Did Your Parents Teach You about Relationships? (A Discussion) July 6, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Guest Posts.Tags: happy and single, marriage, parental influence, parents, relationships, single-or-not
12 comments
Recently, fellow singles blogger, Special K, offered to collaborate with us on a special post in which the three of us wrote brief responses to the question, “What did your parents teach you about relationships?”
You’ll note that we each hold markedly different perspectives on the issue, and we hope you’ll offer your own below!
Special K says:
“Sheesh, nothing,” one muttered… Well, that’s not exactly true. Like parenting, most people’s parents leave an impression on things you’d like to do that they did, and things that you’d like NOT to do that they did. Parents are powerful role models (we can talk about other role models another time) as well as mirrors for our own relationships. So here’s the thing: whether single or married, with kids, or with dog, your parents matter to your current single-or-not status. Period. (more…)
Worldwide Onelers: Afghanistan July 3, 2009
Posted by Onely in Dating, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Honorary Onely Awards, We like. . ..Tags: afghanistan singles, extreme ways to get a date, international singles, npr morning edition, single privilege, women's rights
4 comments
In this NPR Morning Edition broadcast, an Afghan woman randomly dialed numbers until a young man picked up at the other end. Over several weeks they exchanged multiple giddy phone calls, talking about their lives and eventually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend–but always and only over the telephone. Eventually their calls tapered off, but for a while they defied the convention in Afghanistan, where according to the broadcast single men and women just don’t mingle.
I got to thinking how privileged we all are here in the U.S. (and other places) to actually have a choice of whether to be single or not. (more…)
Quirkyalone News: Your Responses Requested! July 2, 2009
Posted by Onely in quirkyalone, single and happy, Singles Resource, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: giving advice, quirkyalone, singles advice
4 comments
We wanted to let all of our readers know that one of our favorite (and probably the first) “happy and single” blogs, Quirkyalone, has emerged after a short hiatus with a new, improved design and format (check it out!).
In fact, author/founder of the book, movement, and blog, Sasha Cagen, has decided to hand over some of the regular posting duties to a variety of contributors, including us! That’s right — we’ve agreed to write a weekly advice column, in which we’ll respond to quirkyalone (and even quirkytogether) questions and concerns.
We are terribly flattered that Sasha wants us to be part of the new Quirkyalone team (actually, we’re still trying to get over the shock of someone thinking we might actually have advice to give), but as we gear up for our debut, we need to get some content!
So, Copious Readers, Christina and I are hoping that you will pepper us with your questions and concerns about what it means to live quirkyalone (which, we find, is a pretty good synonym for Onely). If you think you can help get us started, please email us with your questions at: onely @ onely.org.
And, in case any of our readers are worried that we might be fleeing the coop, PLEASE rest assured: Onely will always remain our primary focus, and whatever posting we do at QA will also appear here.
Thanks in advance — we’ll notify you of our debut as soon as it happens!
— L & CC
PS — if you’re not on feedback overload, you might also be inspired to contribute to Bella DePaulo’s recent request for reader feedback (thanks, footloosefemails, for the heads-up)
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