TAKE ACTION: Speak Up For Health Care Reform August 8, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Singles Resource, Take action.Tags: health care reform for singles, HR 676, public health care option, single payer system, singletude
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Check out yet another thorough and engaging post from Clever Elsie at Singletude, this time about the upcoming vote on HR 676, a bill supporting a single payer health care system, where we are all covered by ONE taxpayer-funded public source. (Ooh, how very Scandinavian!) As always, Singletude has done her research and explains why she is a fan of this bill. I am a fan of single-payer too, but my reasoning is based more on my gut than my head, so I encourage our Copious Readers to go to Singletude for more details. (more…)
“True Forced Loneliness” = Crazy, Creepy, and Sad Sad Sad! August 6, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.Tags: george sodini, gym gunman, hate crimes, la fitness, misogyny, pittsburgh shooting, roissy in dc, true forced loneliness
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If you’ve been watching the news, you’ve heard about the tragic and unsettling shooting of three women at a Pittsburgh gym by George Sodini. And now the media is digging up all kinds of evidence that illustrates not only that Sodini was mentally ill (duh), but also deeply misogynistic (check out this excellent article from Jezebel). Indeed, Sodini apparently maintained a blog, two Web sites and even posted YouTube videos that substantiate just how much he hated women, and this other article (also from Jezebel) makes a convincing case for why/how we should understand Sodini’s actions, as well as other recent mass murders, as a hate crime against women.
And if you start digging, Sodini’s complaints – that women are to blame for why he led such a miserable life – parallel complaints made by other misogynists, such as Roissy in DC, and hate movements, such as the (literally insane) group, True Forced Loneliness. (more…)
Nature or Nurture? August 4, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Heteronormativity.Tags: biology versus culture, coupling, cultural evolution, cultural norms, gender differences, mating, nature or nurture, selfish gene
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I’m always intrigued by the relationship between “nature” and “culture” — how much of what we do and think in a particular place and time has to do with “straight” biology (pardon the pun), and how much has to do with the power of cultural values? This, of course, is the driving question that motivates a lot of what we do here at Onely, and so when I came across this article, which seeks to explain male/female mating habits according to evolutionary and biological “facts,” I found myself wondering, how much of this “makes sense” because of cultural norms/values, and how much is actually viable, scientific reasoning?
Take, for example, the following — which seems totally logical:
In young men, the selfish gene seeks to spread itself far and wide, mostly because it often can (and with minimal investment of resources) — hence, the rakish male tendency to love ’em and leave ’em. Women, on other hand, tend to be more discriminating. They’re the ones who have to carry the baby around for nine months, then nurse it to independence. In women, the selfish gene prefers a mate with both the wherewithal and the resources to stick around and raise the kid.
Okay, I thought. There’s not much to dispute here. But then, I read the “translation”:
“Men will be looking for short-term uncommitted relationships, women will be looking for relationship commitment,” said Kruger. “These are the things that have driven evolution. … Because of different interests, women offer a sexual relationship in exchange for commitment, and men offer commitment in exchange for sex.”
See, the thing is, while this explanation makes “logical” sense, it also seems to perpetuate a stereotype about the seemingly “inherent” differences between women and men. But perhaps more importantly, this explanation doesn’t take into account the “fact” of what I would call cultural evolution — (more…)
Worldwide Onelers: China’s Taiko–Nots. August 3, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Look What Google Barfed Up, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, solo travel.Tags: china's space program, halitosis relationship, spouse forbids something, taikonauts
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According to this BBC news article, Chinese taikonauts have to meet a series of criteria in order to go into space, including:
No Bad Breath!
No Body Odor!
No Scars That May Burst Open!
I understand the close confines of the spacecraft and fully support these criteria, having dated a guy with halitosis (though not, thank god, with exploding scars). But wait, there’s another requirement for taikonauts:
Your Spouse Must Approve!
Reality TV Idea #1: “I Complete Me” July 30, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys.Tags: co-dependent couples, couple-mania, favorite hobbies, letting go, losing self, single living, sleeping alone, solo dining, traveling solo
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Hi everyone. Today, Jezebel alerted me to this EXCELLENT and highly entertaining video:
(Both Christina and I laughed hysterically and said “Oh my god, it’s SO TRUE!”)
The thing is, the Blogulator‘s got it right — for sitcoms and gender stereotypes, at least. But this got me thinking that we need a show that, instead of reversing the way married men and women are portrayed on TV, would subvert the way that singles are (most often) portrayed on TV — as desperate, lonely losers always struggling to find a mate. And where has television cornered the market on this portrayal of single people? That’s right — Reality TV! Take your pick — from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette (those old standards), to Rock of Love, More to Love, or a Shot at Love, to Blind Date (which, I’ll admit, is a personal fave), to Joe Millionaire, to Who Wants to Marry My Dad, and even Married by America — the basic premise of all these shows is that if you’re single, it’s time for an intervention!
So, Christina and I have decided to pitch our own Reality TV show, called I Complete Me. We don’t have any illusions that anyone will actually take us up on the offer (hell, there’s no way Fat Wife would make it), but just for kicks, here’s what we propose: (more…)
The World’s Oneliest House July 29, 2009
Posted by Onely in Dating, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, I want to..., single and happy, solo travel.Tags: couple living arrangements, creapy, independent couple, paranormal investigation, point lookout lighthouse
4 comments
Point Lookout Lighthouse in Maryland is the world’s oneliest house. It sits on a rocky outcropping that juts into the confluence of the Potomac River and the Chesapeake Bay. I went there with my paranormal investigations group (a story for another blog at another time), and it’s a truly spooky, isolated location. But that’s not why it’s a onely place. What struck me about the lighthouse was that it had been modified so that two keepers’ families could live there together. A wall was built down the center of the house. The wall turned into a railing that crossed the front porch and went right down the middle of the short staircase leading from the lawn to the front of the house. The house had two front doors on the porch, one on each side of the railing. The two families could walk up their respective sides of the steps and enter their respective mirror-image houses, dine in their mirror-image dining rooms and sleep in their respective bedrooms, and never cross paths except in one shared alcove to which they each had lockable doors. That alcove accessed the spiral staircase leading to the light tower. (more…)
More on Marriage… July 27, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, single and happy.Tags: alternet amy williams, fundamentalism, marital privilege, religious rhetoric, resistance to marriage, the kooks naive, therese the unmarried estate, why not get married
13 comments
So, Copious Readers. Ya’ll (that’s how we say it in Kentucky) have got me thinking.
Last week, we solicited your thoughts on whether it’s tacky or tasteful to throw a party for oneself and register for gifts. We got a wide variety of responses, and our conversation prompted one of our regular readers, Autonomous, to link us to an article on Alternet called “I Don’t Believe in Marriage — Here’s Why I (Grudgingly) Got Married Anyway.” And that article reminded me of fellow singles-advocate-blogger Therese’s recent post about why she’s decided to get married after being in a long-term relationship with the same person. And then this weekend, I had a long, impassioned conversation with a (married) friend of mine who wanted me to explain why I didn’t plan to ever get married.
Here’s what I told her (in so many words):
(more…)
Should I Be Worried? July 23, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: casual dating, commitment, wedding ceremony dance, where-is-this-relationship-going
16 comments
So, I’ve been dating this guy — very casually (which is exactly the way I want it) — for the last two months or so. Today, he sent me this video, with the following message: “If I ever get married again [he’s been married before], it will be like this”
We haven’t had any kind of a serious “where-is-this-relationship-going-and-what-do-I-want” talk. So I’m curious, Copious Readers, what do you think he’s trying to tell me (if anything)? And how should I respond?
— L
Selfish or Spot On? The Single Person’s Registry July 21, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: marrying myself, sex and the city, single woman's registry, singles registries, too many shoes
27 comments
This summer, the topic of weddings has come up repeatedly here at Onely, and, since much of our discussion has centered on the negative aspects of the matrimonial tradition, it seems appropriate to conclude the season on a more positive note and consider the possibility of reclaiming parts of the tradition for ourselves.
If one decides not to wed, is it appropriate to throw a wedding for oneself?
In one memorable episode of Sex and the City, Carrie famously did. And some time ago, Christina found a company that specializes in the single woman’s registry. At a separate site, Halfbakery.com (a site for half-baked ideas?), someone suggested that the newly divorced create a registry where friends can buy all the goods that the ex took. (more…)
Dr. Lillis Makes Onely Cry! Tell Him to Apologize! July 19, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Heteronormativity.Tags: bella depaulo, Chancellor Internal Medicine, Dr. Christopher Lillis, marriage good for health, marriage healthy, marriage studies, singletude
20 comments
If any of our Copious Readers have friends who buy into the (flawed) “marriage-makes-healthy” studies, send them to Singletude‘s 15 July post. Singletude professionally and eruditely tears into Dr. Christopher Lillis, an internist with Chancellor Internal Medicine in Fredricksburg, Virginia. High on his recent nuptials, Dr. Lillis basically says that:
1) Everyone needs to get married so that their spouse will remind them to take care of their health! Singles wither away because they don’t remember go to the doctor!
2) People who remain single are likely to be genetically inferior to marrieds! (This isn’t at *all* like eugenics, is it? Lisa says, “What, is he going to measure the size of our heads?”)
3) Scientists who discount the “marriage-makes-healthy” studies are bitter because they never have time to get out of the lab to find true love! (Here he admits to hyperbole, but claims he’s allowed to say such things, because it’s his essay and he “just got hitched”. Careful of that bit and bridle, Doc. I can see it’s already squeezing on your brain.)
4) “Getting married reduces depressive symptoms, and getting divorced increases them.”
Onely.Org 