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Touching or Tacky?: Encounters With Couples June 5, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Your Responses Requested!.
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22 comments

On my trip to Michigan last week I was sorely tested by the gods of heteronormativity. They tried to tempt me into bopping three separate couples on the heads. Because doing so would have only reinforced the stereotype that Onelers are bitter couple-hating fiends, I did not bop the annoying pairs. But Copious Readers, judge for yourselves whether these three couples were Touching or Tacky: (more…)

Animal … Marriage? June 4, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Just Saying..
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3 comments

By posting this, I by no means intend to poke fun at another culture’s beliefs or traditions — but I found this particular bit of news quite fascinating, especially in light of my most recent post about animals, sex, and heteronormativity. Who knew that frogs could be married … by humans? And that including them in the tradition of marriage would bring rain?

Enjoy! — Lisa

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Animal Sex: What it can teach us about heteronormativity June 2, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, sex.
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9 comments

Last week, Christina and I posted about the wide range of sexualities/sexual drives that we experience as singles. We think it’s important to acknowledge our diversity as gendered, sexual beings because society tends to stereotype, undervalue — and oftentimes punish — single people when they have so-called “abnormal” sexual desires or lifestyles (ranging from wanting to have sex but not a relationship, for example, to feeling indifferent about sex altogether). The thing is, most of us probably grew up with our parents teaching us about the “naturalness” of sex — families more open about sex might tell us that “the birds and the bees” do it (within the confines of a monogamous relationship, of course), and the rest of us are told that babies are brought to happy, deserving (ie – married) couples by generous storks.

The thing is, nature isn’t exactly “natural” – at least not according to how we humans would define it. Indeed, looking at the truth about animal sex may help reveal the heteronormativity underlying much of what we’re taught about sex and sexuality as children. Let’s begin, as a case in point, with the female praying mantis, who eats her mate immediately after sex (hey, she needed some sugar to process all that sex!):

(more…)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINA!!!!! May 30, 2009

Posted by Onely in Secret Lives of the Happily Single.
15 comments

bd1

Without a doubt, this blog wouldn’t be the same without you! Hope you have a great day!

With love, from your fave co-blogger, Lisa 🙂

(and our readers, I presume! hint, hint!!!)

Sex, So What? May 29, 2009

Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, Dating, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, sex.
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26 comments

On the heels of  Lisa’s dealbreakers post that talked about Involuntary Celibacy (a term that we may define differently than others do), we wanted to discuss Indifferent Celibacy.  As Bella DePaulo said in her recent sex post ,

Those who simply care less – or not at all – about sex are marginalized by contemporary sexual norms.

I postulate that it’s easier to be happily single if you don’t care about sex. Just like it’s easier to be skinny if you don’t care about marzipan.

Of course, people will ask, “What kind of a repressed person doesn’t want marzipan at least once a month?” or “Don’t you know that inadequate intake of marzipan leads to intellectual and physical stagnation?”

But Freud is dead, people.

I am pretty indifferent to sex. (more…)

The Sex Post, Part Deux: Dealbreakers May 26, 2009

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Food for Thought, sex, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.
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11 comments

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the many thoughtful and thought-provoking responses to my most recent post about the possibilities of having a sexual partner but making it clear that I want to remain unattached. It turns out that Bella DePaulo also published a sex post on her blog the same day about the many assumptions that are made about sex and the single person (thanks, Singlutionary, for noting our post on the comments over there!). One of the issues that has come up in previous comments on her blog, as well as in DePaulo’s most recent post (and comments from some of Onely’s regular readers), is the reality that many times, those of us who actually desire sex (and not all single – or married – people do) do not necessarily have it. Some call this being “Involuntarily Celibate,” or InCel for short. Which is exactly my status most of the time, when I don’t happen to know anyone who would be up for a little uncommitted rendezvous now and again.

So, this got me thinking about the many reasons I have (most of the time) for not actively attempting to hook up with friends, complete strangers, or the friend-of-a-friend. I’m the kind of person who notices when there’s a spark, and I’ve certainly had opportunities to pursue casual encounters, but most of the time (with this last weekend the rare exception), I simply don’t bother trying.

Because, you see, there are these dealbreakers that generally keep me InCel (some are for real; some are petty indeed): (more…)

The Sex Post! May 25, 2009

Posted by Onely in Dating, Food for Thought, Just Saying., Secret Lives of the Happily Single, sex, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.
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15 comments

So, dear readers, as the title of this post suggests, I am going to write about being single, having sex, and remaining unattached. Some (like Australian blogger Brian at Fitzroyalty, who mentioned us in this provoking post a couple of months ago) might say that this post is long overdue, but I was waiting for inspiration, and I finally got it — in the form of a surprising hookup this last weekend with a guy I have known, through friends, for some time and who is recently single.

You see, I have not had sex for almost a year — not because I didn’t want to, but because I have been a) really busy with school, and b) unable to meet guys who were not only attractive, interesting to be around, and funny, but who also seemed like they would not assume that having sex meant we were dating seriously (yes, I realize how strange that sentence sounds — but trust me, guys over age 25 in my part of the world — especially academia — are surprisingly conservative in this regard).

So this last weekend’s adventure was a pleasant surprise, and although I like him, I am not interested in dating him (we were out with mutual friends, not on a date, this weekend). I am only interested in having a fun/casual relationship, and I am hoping that’s all he’s interested in too. Honestly, though, I have no idea how to find out, because, like a gentleman, my new friend has already been in touch and wants to see me again. (more…)

Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 3 of 3): Tips! May 21, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, Singles Resource, solo travel.
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6 comments

Hi everyone,

After spending the past two posts enumerating some of the best and worst aspects of traveling alone, I figure it’s about time for some practical advice. So, to stoke your trip-planning imaginings, I am happy to present Part 3 of this three-part series:

Lisa’s Essential Tips for Traveling Solo: (more…)

Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 2 of 3): Worst Things May 20, 2009

Posted by Onely in single and happy, Singles Resource, solo travel.
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7 comments

So, although I am genuinely glad to have explored the UK by myself, I must admit that traveling solo internationally definitely presented a few challenges that would have been easier to overcome if I hadn’t been alone. So, never being one afraid to admit that shit really does stink, I present to you Part Two of Three of my solo traveling series:

Lisa’s Worst Things about Traveling Alone: (more…)

Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 1 of 3): Best Things May 17, 2009

Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..
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9 comments
View from Castle Rushen

View from Castle Rushen, Isle of Man

Hello Copious Readers!

I’m back from my two-week adventure in the UK! I visited the posh university town of Cambridge; then traveled by bus and ferry to the Isle of Man, located in the middle of the Irish Sea; then met up with a friend in Northern Ireland for two and a half days and visited the Giant’s Causeway, among other beautiful sights; and ended my trip in London.

As you know from my earlier post, some of my experience was a bit more adventurous than I would have liked (my wallet was stolen in London), but overall, I am so happy that I decided to make this international trip a solo one. I’ve traveled through a lot of the US on my own, but traveling abroad – even to the UK, which in some ways felt like “cheating” because there was no language barrier – presented both a unique challenge, as well as a very rewarding experience. For those of you who are dreaming of taking this kind of a trip yourself, I’ve composed a series of lists detailing the best and worst aspects of traveling alone, as well as a set of tips for anyone planning an international trip alone. Here’s Part One of Three:

Lisa’s Best Things about Traveling Alone: (more…)