Who Matters? A Guest Post by THE SPECIAL K TREATMENT May 4, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Guest Bloggers.Tags: discrimination against singles, doing something right to find a husband, guest blog, singles bar scene, some people matter more than others, special k treatment
11 comments
Onely likes guest posts by other writers who think about singles’ issues. The views expressed in our guest posts may or may not reflect Onely’s views, but we are always interested to hear from other singles advocates. Today’s post is by Special K, who we previously profiled in our Some Like It Single series. Special K is an “over thirty, single, psychologist in need of a balanced breakfast” who in the below post ponders why singles “matter” less than non-singles, how some singles respond to this stigma, and what to do about it.
In general, in American society, single people matter less than those who are married, who matter less than those with are married with children, who matter less than those who are married with children and own property. Communities do exist where this is not the case: New York City, universities perhaps, Miami Beach. But for the most part, there is a pecking order of how much space is occupied equals social power.
“She must have done something right to get a husband” my co-worker (who happens to be a therapist even!) blurted out, when referring to an emotionally disturbed woman. “WHAT? That’s Crap!” I retorted out loud, and called him our on the fallacy of logic here. . . so she is automatically given some credit because she married? What about the man’s role in all of this? What about the fact that it was a very destructive union? (more…)
Single? Don’t Sweat It! May 1, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, single and happy.Tags: benefits of being single, Dr. Howard LeWine, person smells like cheese
6 comments
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In this eye-opening Men’s Health article, Howard LeWine, M.D. advises and comforts a woman who says,
“My husband has started sweating profusely when he is asleep. His sweat has a strong cheesy smell and I can no longer tolerate it.”
I hope that poor man doesn’t have one of the serious conditions that LeWine mentions. But I am also sort of allowed to make fun of him, because I too went through a phase where I smelled of Muenster cheese. It emanated from my elpits–you know, the insides of your elbows. I couldn’t move my arms without catching whiffs. So having smelled Human Muenster myself, I know how terribly that poor woman must have suffered, inhaling the huge slag of sweaty cheese all night, with the odor pooling in particular under the sheets like a fart.
Copious Readers, what other exposures to terrible bodily emanations do we avoid by being single?
Christina
Super Saccharine: Seekingarrangements.com April 17, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Dating, Food for Thought.Tags: Beth Bailey, feminism, heteronormative, power dynamic, Ruth Padawer, seekingarrangements.com, sugar baby, sugar daddy
14 comments
Lisa found an interesting New York Times article by Ruth Padawer about a web site that hooks rich men up with young, beautiful, financially strapped women, often college students working their way through school. The Sugar Daddies provide their Sugar Babies with money, gifts, trips, and swank (often under the euphemism “mentoring”) in exchange for companionship, sex, and arm candy.
Before I read the article, I thought I knew how I felt about this site, Seekingarrangements.com: Yuck! But the piece includes some very interesting quotes from users of the site, Seekingarrangement.com, that shed new light on the practice of being a daddy or a baby. After reading the article, my feelings about Seekingarrangements.com were: Still Yuck!
Whether or not you think this site amounts to prostitution (I’m not sure), it is undeniably perpetuating a sexist power dynamic. As Padawer says, “The ‘baby’ is the one who regulates her appearance, schedule, behavior and emotions to make the payer feel special.” (The baby is overwhelmingly female, and only one percent of the sugar daddies are actually sugar mommies).
I’ll paste a couple of the more interesting quotes from Padawer’s article below and let our Copious Readership weigh in. What do you all think? (more…)
Insignificant others: A steppingstone to kids? April 10, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Just Saying., Your Responses Requested!.Tags: biological clock, discrimination against singles, marriage mythology, pairing up to have kids, single and happy, single men want kids, single parent adoption
27 comments
Copious Readers, what does it mean when otherwise Onely people–who don’t mind being single–are looking for a significant other just because they want to have kids? Is this a good reason to look for a significant other? Currently, our world is set up so that it’s a lot harder to raise children if you don’t have a partner. But it’s wrong that our society is set up like that. So are these people supporting a shoddy system when they first get married before having kids? Should more people consider adopting as singles? Or given the current sub-par state of benefits systems for single parents, is that unfair to the children? (more…)
Wife or Transgender Wife – Does the Category Matter? Your Responses Requested! April 6, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: Chris Mason, death by exercise, James Mason, transgender
4 comments
A couple of months ago, I noticed this creepy headline:
I read the article and found the case stunning and bizarre: “A woman pleaded guilty to reckless homicide for exercising her 73-year-old husband to death in a swimming pool.”
A month passed, and I noticed another headline:
Having read the fine print of the first article, I knew immediately that this headline was referring to the same case. But I don’t understand why the “transgender” part of the story became headline-worthy. After all, the most interesting (read: disturbing!) part of this story is that the wife (Christine Newton-John, also known as Chris Mason ) exercised her husband (James Mason) to death.
There are plenty of details besides Chris/tine’s transgender identity that seem unrelated to the story, but which were nevertheless reported and may as well have been included in the headline, such as:
Tag-team Blogging March 24, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, We like. . ..Tags: blogging as a team, importance of friendship, single friends, single people, we love being single
11 comments
When I told a friend of mine about Onely, he said, “Does anyone ever mention how funny it is that there are two of you writing a blog together about being single?” No, no one ever does. In fact (says Christina), the irony hadn’t even occurred to Lisa or I until that friend of mine mentioned it.
And it is ironic–on the surface. While Lisa and I are jumping up and down on our respective couches yelling about the benefits of solo living, behind the scenes we’re running Onely sort of like a marriage: we are a small team, bound together through common interests and goals, but also through logistics (shared copyrights and creative license, server bills, etc). (more…)
Long Distance Relationships March 11, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Heteronormativity, single and happy.Tags: heteronormaholes, independence in relationship, long distance relationship, overseas relationship, short distance relationship
18 comments
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me because he was “tired of coming home alone”. At the time, he lived in Florida and I lived in beautiful Northern Virginia. He said he wanted to date someone (anyone!) in his own city for a change, so that he wouldn’t have to come home alone most nights. Of course our breakup also involved other incompatiblities (for example, I wasn’t an asshole, and he was), but the coming-home-alone thing shocked me more than anything else. One of the things I had loved about our long-distance relationship (LDR) was that I had so much private space, which included coming home alone most nights.
I think that people with a Onely mindset tend to not mind LDRs as much as other people do. In fact, I think that we even specifically seek out LDRs. Some people (generally heteronormaholes) might see this as unhealthy, because they view LDRs as inherently inferior to, whaddyacallem, short distance relationships (SDRs). But as we can see from paragraph one, LDRs are only a problem if the people involved have different ways of regarding distance. (more…)
MEA CULPA: Onely Commits Couplism February 18, 2009
Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought.Tags: couplism, nintendo, scottish society of paranormal investigation and analysis, singlism, SSPIA, wii
22 comments
Hailes Castle Confessional, from SSPIA
Bless me, Copious Readers, for I have sinned. I have committed egregious acts of couplism and heteronormativity, of the kind that we here at Onely love to decry and make fun of when they are committed against us.
A security officer at my work, whom I knew to be divorced, was telling me about how his daughters got a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and how they spent his day off playing with it. I made some comment about how his girls won’t want to go home now–because I was assuming that they were staying at his house on vacation and lived with their mom the rest of their time. He corrected me right quick, saying “No, actually I have custody.” Um. (more…)
Let’s Get This Over With As Quickly As Possible Day February 13, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, single and happy, Singled Out, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: feminist, hallmark, international quirkyalone day, LGTOWAQAP, new year's resolutions, nut sucking, progressive, singles awareness day, take our poll!, valentine's day, we love being single
11 comments
This is Onely’s first Valentine’s Day! Pt-oo! And that is us spitting on the Hallmark and De Beers mudworms who warped the holiday into its current overcommercialized incarnation.
What can Onely say about V-day, aka Let’s Get This Over With as Quickly As Possible Day, that hasn’t been said already? “The holiday is insulting to singles”; “not insulting to singles”; “worth celebrating”; “not worth celebrating” — blah, blah. (more…)
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