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Food for Thought! SINGLED OUT: Beware! Your Work Won’t Love You Back (An Academic’s Take) August 13, 2008

Posted by Onely in book review, Food for Thought, Reviews, Singled Out.
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DePaulo, Bella. Singled Out, How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2006

(This is an ongoing exploration of Singled Out, continued from an earlier post)

In Chapter 7 of Singled Out, DePaulo debunks the myth that if single women spend too much time focused on a career and/or in school, they will miss out on all the ‘good’ partners out there, and that being career-minded means “slogging through ‘the trenches of corporate solitude'” instead of “gleefully and triumphantly crashing through the glass ceiling” (136). (more…)

Sick and Onely August 12, 2008

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I haven’t posted for a few days because I have been sick and miserable (thanks C for taking up the slack!), and when I emailed Christina to let her know that I wouldn’t be posting yesterday, she reminded me of the Sex and the City episode where Samantha is sick with the flu and, in C’s words, “bemoans not having anyone (man) to take care of her.” C also noted that the episode is “the ONLY time I ever saw Samantha bemoan not having a ‘relationship.'” In my current state of nastiness, I’m almost tempted to agree. (more…)

Yay! More Reader Comments! (You’re great–so why are you single?) August 8, 2008

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Singled Out.
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Thanks, friendly readers, for your very interesting comments! In fact, there are a couple that we want to get back to, but first, the most recent one, posted by Cynthia in response to this post written by Christina (I’ve cut to the final portion of the comment, btw, because it seemed the most relevant):

It’s not too clear to me though which one bothers you more? Being judged or being asked why still single?

(more…)

In case you don’t believe that Singles are Stigmatized… August 7, 2008

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Singled Out.
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Christina sent me a link to the following article: “Unmarried sisters lose inheritance tax fight.” It’s the UK but methinks similar penalties/rationale would be applied in the US.

— L

“So why are you still single?” August 6, 2008

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity.
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People usually intend to be helpful and friendly when they ask:

“You’re so (complimentary adjective); so why are you still single?”

As if singlehood were a gross, drippy nose that could and should be cured by a swallow of Sudafed. (more…)

Onely in the Kitchen August 5, 2008

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To me, having a relationship is like cooking Thai food. (more…)

Other Lisa’s comment: Stigmas against Married. . . Women August 5, 2008

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The Other Lisa makes an excellent and interesting comment regarding stigmas against marrieds. We hope to address that issue more soon. For now, I just want to say that Other Lisa’s issue also appears to have a feminist nexus.  She says,

“i was reminded again and again that being a young, married woman was the most pathetic thing one could be. . . i’m assuming most people thought that my most important accomplishment was getting married.”

I’m interested to hear whether young, married men feel this kind of judgment on them. (more…)

While We Were Out… Can Marrieds be Onely? August 4, 2008

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Hi everyone! Christina and I are back from a luxurious mosquito-ridden backpacking trip on North Manitou Island in Lake Michigan… It was great! (and no, I’m not being facetious). While we were gone, we received an interesting and thought-provoking comment/question from a good friend of mine, Lisa (and no, she’s not an “imaginary” friend, I swear!), in response to my recent post entitled Naps. Coming from her perspective as a married woman, Lisa’s asking some good questions that I’d like to respond to/clarify about how we define Onely. So you don’t have to go digging around the site, I’ve reproduced the first half of her comment (and my subsequent response) below (I or Christina will get to the second half of the comment in a post later this week, as it deserves special consideration): (more…)

Onely as Feminist Resistance July 26, 2008

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Essay review, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Reviews, Singled Out.
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I recently finished an essay by Adrienne Rich entitled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” which is old in terms of publication date (1980) but new – brand new – to me. Rich’s primary argument is directed against feminist scholars who deny, ignore and/or marginalize the fact of lesbian existence, but she also mentions other “facts” of female existence – such as living alone and/or single – that have also been ignored in the face of what she calls “compulsory heterosexuality.” (more…)

Heads Up! Documentary about Being Happy *and* Being Single in the Works… July 24, 2008

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Feministing, one of the sites that Christina and I love and read daily, just posted today about a new documentary in the works, called Seeking Happily Ever After, which has as its subject — gasp — being happy and being single. Cool! Check out this link to read the post and to watch the trailer.

Also? A few more books that look worth reading are mentioned in the trailer, including Leslie Talbot’s Singular Existence and Jerusha Stewart’s A Single Girl’s Manifesta. I imagine you’ll be hearing more about these books here once we get our hands on them, but if any of you happen to have any info/thoughts/reactions about these books or others, we’d love to know!

– L