Funny Friday: Rescuemarriage.com September 18, 2009
Posted by Onely in Reviews, We like. . ..Tags: california prop 8, gay marriage, John Marcotte, rescue marriage, rescuemarriage.org
8 comments
John Marcotte, 37, (why do these kinds of articles always put the person’s age?) very sensibly realized that if Californians truly want to rescue the hallowed institution of marriage from less-hallowed people like gays, as indicated by the passage of Prop 8, then “a logical extension of Prop 8” should be to ban divorce. Of course! Check out his initiative’s website and see the logical and rhetorical brilliance of Marcotte, 37:
Jesus still loves you if you get divorced–just not as much as before.
Hell is eternal — just like your marriage was supposed to be
The funniest part are the commenters, who range from religious conservatives like Patti:
protecting traditional marriage is the first step to keeping our children pure and protecting them from the demons of hell.
To liberals like Ariel:
Really. So rampant abuse, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, of either spouse or children, wouldn’t be grounds for divorce.
The scariest part is the high percentage of commenters who seem to have damage to the right ventromedial areas of their prefontal lobes, resulting in an inability to understand sarcasm. Given the large number of thus disabled readers out there, could Marcotte’s website actually be inadvertently presenting propaganda against the gay marriage movement?
–Christina
Extra! Extra! July 7, 2009
Posted by Onely in single and happy, Singles Resource, Some Like It Single, We like. . ..Tags: clever elsie, singles in the news, singles with singletude, singleschmucker, singletude
2 comments
To our Copious Readers:
Run — don’t walk! — to Singletude’s new weekly series, “Singles in the News,” in which Clever Elsie highlights the week’s good and bad news that involves, affects, or implicates single people. Be sure to check out the “Singles with Singletude Award” as well as the “Singleschmucker Award” (yay for portmanteaus!). We’re uber-impressed by the research, appreciate the new resource, and think Elsie deserves some accolades. Also, if you want to direct any news-worthy links her way, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
Thanks, Elsie — thanks for being our virtual newsstand!!
Worldwide Onelers: Afghanistan July 3, 2009
Posted by Onely in Dating, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Honorary Onely Awards, We like. . ..Tags: afghanistan singles, extreme ways to get a date, international singles, npr morning edition, single privilege, women's rights
4 comments
In this NPR Morning Edition broadcast, an Afghan woman randomly dialed numbers until a young man picked up at the other end. Over several weeks they exchanged multiple giddy phone calls, talking about their lives and eventually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend–but always and only over the telephone. Eventually their calls tapered off, but for a while they defied the convention in Afghanistan, where according to the broadcast single men and women just don’t mingle.
I got to thinking how privileged we all are here in the U.S. (and other places) to actually have a choice of whether to be single or not. (more…)
Still Seeking Happily Ever After June 26, 2009
Posted by Onely in film review, Reviews, Singles Resource, We like. . ..Tags: desperate to marry, happily ever after, michelle cove, millionaire matchmaker, patti stanger, seeking happily ever after, sundance trailer
7 comments
In the early days of Onely, we briefly mentioned the groundbreaking film Seeking Happily Ever After , which director Michelle Cove describes in an email as, “a feature-length documentary about why there are more single 30-something women than ever in the US and whether women are redefining happily ever after”. Of course our Copious Readership already knows the answers to those questions! But it’s great to see a film giving voice to single women, and especially gratifying to hear that the film was the top-rated trailer at Sundance. And check out the pedigrees of the singles experts who contributed to the effort.
Because all our single readers are also experts in the field, you should tell your own stories to Michelle as she assembles data for the film’s companion book, a “feel-great guide to living your own happily ever after.” Just fill out this survey, “Three Questions, Three Minutes“, designed for single (not married) women over 26. Here’s what the filmmakers learned during their project and what (I assume) will be reflected in the book: (more…)
Academic Alert! Michael Cobb’s “Lonely” June 24, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Academic Alert!, Essay review, Food for Thought, Reviews, single and happy, Singles Resource, We like. . ..Tags: couples and terror, hannah arendt, loneliness my ass, michael cobb, queer theory, singles and sex, south atlantic quarterly, the origins of totatitarianism
8 comments
We here at Onely–as well as our Copious Readership– have always known that society’s obsession with coupling is “toxic” and a form of “terrorism”. But now we’ve found an established literary theorist who has expressed this idea using those very words, albeit articulated in academic language.
As most of our regular readers know, I am currently working on a Ph.D. in a Rhetoric and Composition. This summer, one of my major tasks is to compose proposals and reading lists for two of the three exams I will take in the fall. One of my exams will focus on feminist and queer theory — and as I was doing research for the reading list last week, I came across an article in the South Atlantic Quarterly called “Lonely,” written by Michael Cobb. Cobb, who specializes in queer and critical theory, is interested, as the title indicates, in the effects of American culture’s stigmatization of singles.
A Onederful Year June 22, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities, We like. . ..Tags: one year anniversary, onely, origins of onely
18 comments
One year ago today, Christina and I posted for the first time on what it means to be single and happy. Since that day, Onely has proven to be an exciting and continually evolving blog project that both of us are thrilled to continue. The idea for Onely emerged from two separate, seemingly unrelated experiences that Christina and I had in June 2008.
For me, I experienced an unexpected surge of happiness after I “told off” a guy after he stood me up – a second time. Instead of insisting that he apologize and/or beg for forgiveness, I told him instead, “We don’t have to date, you know.” Uttering those words — instead of words of blame or anger — made me feel suddenly, and surprisingly, free: I had articulated something that I had been wanting to say for some time but didn’t know how — I didn’t have to pursue a relationship, and I could be honest about what I wanted (or didn’t) even in a “casual” dating situation.
For Christina, it was during one week at work when she received yet another email celebrating yet another coworker’s marriage or baby (or second or third baby). “An office shower!” the messages always said. The suggested donation was always five dollars and the food was always pizza. Christina hates pizza. She wanted the office to buy her veggie wraps, but it seemed the only way she was ever going to get a veggie wrap was to get married or knocked up.
We commiserated on the phone one day in mid-June about our shared anger at these situations. I told Christina that her office culture sounded very “heteronormative”. “Hete-what?” she said. I explained its meaning (see our sidebar!), and we have both been happily flinging the word about ever since.
During that conversation, we also discussed the relief we felt about not being in or even pursuing relationships, heternormative or otherwise. I wondered out loud why no one ever seemed to admit to being happy and single and not seeking to change their status. Shortly thereafter — after a flurry of emails and Christina’s brilliant epiphany for a blog title — Onely was born.
We weren’t sure that anyone would actually read us, but now we are flattered by a regular presence of Copious Readers who inspire us to keep writing. And although we began blogging because we didn’t see others writing about being single and happy, we have since discovered a rich community of like-minded single bloggers and writers who provide perspectives supportive of, though sometimes different from, our own.
As of today, we’ve proud to have written 215 posts of varying degrees of literary merit. We’re also proud that “nut-sucking” and “animal sex” are apparently two of the best ways for people to find Onely in a random Google search.
–Lisa (and Christina)
Hard-Core Oneler: Dick Proenneke June 12, 2009
Posted by Onely in Great Onelies in Real Time, Great Onely Activities, Profiles, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: Bob Swerer Productions, Dick Proenneke, handmade cabin, One Man's Wilderness, Richard Proenneke, twin lakes alaska
5 comments
Welcome to the Hard-Core Edition of our series, Great Onelers In Real Time. Today’s Hard-Core Oneler is former Navy carpenter Richard Proenneke. In 1968, at the age of 51, he went to the ultra-wild wilderness of Twin Lakes, Alaska and built himself a cabin by hand, with no chain saws or other automated machinery. He even carved the handles for the tools he used to hew the spruce logs. Then he lived in the cabin for over thirty years.
The mesmerizing video Alone in the Wilderness by Bob Swerer Productions tells the story of Dick’s first year at Twin Lakes. Dick used a tripod to film himself building his cabin. We see many shots of him from the backside, walking away from the lens with a determined, slightly bow-legged stride, once with a sheep ribcage strapped to his back. He films grizzly bears rolling joyfully down snowy slopes. He feeds birds by hand. He makes door hinges, for goodness’ sake (I didn’t know you could make door hinges; I thought they grew on the door hinge tree). (more…)
Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 1 of 3): Best Things May 17, 2009
Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: england, international travel, isle of man, liverpool, solo travel, traveling companions, UK
9 comments
View from Castle Rushen, Isle of Man
Hello Copious Readers!
I’m back from my two-week adventure in the UK! I visited the posh university town of Cambridge; then traveled by bus and ferry to the Isle of Man, located in the middle of the Irish Sea; then met up with a friend in Northern Ireland for two and a half days and visited the Giant’s Causeway, among other beautiful sights; and ended my trip in London.
As you know from my earlier post, some of my experience was a bit more adventurous than I would have liked (my wallet was stolen in London), but overall, I am so happy that I decided to make this international trip a solo one. I’ve traveled through a lot of the US on my own, but traveling abroad – even to the UK, which in some ways felt like “cheating” because there was no language barrier – presented both a unique challenge, as well as a very rewarding experience. For those of you who are dreaming of taking this kind of a trip yourself, I’ve composed a series of lists detailing the best and worst aspects of traveling alone, as well as a set of tips for anyone planning an international trip alone. Here’s Part One of Three:
Lisa’s Best Things about Traveling Alone: (more…)
Onelers Gone Wild: Lisa Does Great Britain May 10, 2009
Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, Everyday Happenings, Great Onely Activities, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: isle of man, london and cambridge, lost passport, lost wallet, singles travel, solo travel
13 comments
Copious Readers, Lisa posted via email from her solo travel adventure:
Hello from Cambridge, England!
So my first Onely international trip is going pretty well — except for one thing: My wallet got stolen. In the restroom (or toilet, as the Brits call it) of a London bus station during a two-hour layover between buses (from Liverpool, to Cambridge). It only took a few seconds — I left the bathroom and realized almost immediately that my wallet was not in my hands – and by the time I turned around, the wallet was gone. I lost my passport, my debit card, about $75 (US equivalent), my KY driver’s license, a UK-unlimited bus pass worth $160 or so, and 25 postcard stamps (worth £15 or about $25!) with which I was going to begin mailing postcards today.
Luckily I followed the advice of my Let’s Go! travel guide and had made a copy of my passport before I left, and also took along another credit card, as well as about $100 in traveler’s checks, all of which I kept separate from my wallet, and which are the only reason I was able to get to Cambridge and also did not have a complete breakdown in London.
The friend I am staying with here in Cambridge pointed out that it was probably because I was alone that I had the momentary lapse of concentration and left the wallet behind. The bus from Liverpool to London was overnight, and so I was drowsy and frazzled, ready to get to my next destination — not to mention that I had a gigantic bag to manage as I maneuvered the tiny bathroom stall! My friend travels internationally all the time, and says that this specific problem is the thing that bothers her the most about traveling alone — there’s no one you trust to wait outside the bathroom with your bags. 😦
Oh well. A trip to the American Embassy in London is now in order, bright and early Monday morning. Luckily I had plans to finish the last few days of my trip in London anyway — I just hope that this small excursion doesn’t detract from what will otherwise be a fun last few days of my holiday (also another UK phrase). Besides this rather upsetting glitch in the plans, my trip so far has been excellent — and I have only been truly alone a few days, thanks to having two friends to visit… I have been to the Isle of Man, all across Northern Ireland and parts of Ireland, and spent a very full and wonderful day in Liverpool.
I’ll be back soon to add my regular two cents to Onely — in the meantime, hope all is well!!!
Cheerio!
— L
P.S. Christina here. My stomach just plunged when I read this story. But Lisa handled the situtation so well! My version would have incorporated far more tears and swear words. (Maybe she edited those out; I don’t know.) I definitely agree with Lisa’s friend that having to haul all your bags into those bathroom stalls is soooo annoying, as well as a germophobe’s (me) nightmare. Does anyone else have travel horror stories? Were you travelling alone? How did your status as a solo traveller inform the incident?
Men and Cats May 6, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Food for Thought, We like. . ..Tags: adam fulrath, attractive men, men and cats, men with cats, menandcats.com, single mythology
6 comments
Studies have shown that women think pictures of attractive men holding babies are even sexier than pictures of the men alone. But what’s waaay sexier than a man with a baby? Yes, a man with a CAT! Thanks to Singular magazine for showing me the site Men and Cats. According to a New York Times article, Crazy Cat Men are the latest thing. One of them, John Scalzi, explains why: “If you’re feeling insecure about your space in the world, you get a dog because he will always back you up. . . (but a man with a cat) is secure with himself. He’s sharing his space with a predator.”
And what’s more attractive than someone who is confident about his space in the world?
The stereotypes of men with cats–that they’re effeminate or eternal bachelors or whatever–and the arguments cat-loving (non-effeminate, non-eternal bachelor) men use to counter these stereotypes remind me of the dynamic of singlism and singles. We singles are regularly forced to defend ourselves against, or make excuses for, a status that is not inherently bad in the first place and which can actually be pretty honorable. Same with men and their cats.
Full disclosure: I once briefly dated a friend who took care of my foster cat when I went on an extended trip. J soon decided that he didn’t want to see me anymore but oh, by the way, he’d like to permanently adopt Paws. A less noble foster mom might have said, “F no!” But the business of fostering is to find the kitties homes where they are loved. And so I have not seen Paws since then, except in fond memories. Nobility is overrated!
Copious Readers (except for our hetero male readers, sorry once again, Alan and Bobby), have you dated men with cats? Wish you had? Wish you hadn’t? Who wants to meet Adam Fulrath for a little midnight catnip? ME! ME!
–Christina
Onely.Org 